OMGG

In a rare interview with OMGG.com, Ben Affleck admitted he’s been purposefully sabotaging his career since 1997.

“He’s what’s known as a fructuphobe,” explained psychologist Peter Burles. “It’s the fear of success, and some of Hollywood’s most talented stars suffer from it.”

Affleck was disturbed that critics enjoyed The Town, and seems depressed that early reviews of his new film, Argo, have also been overwhelmingly positive.

But the actor promises to return to his roots by starring in nothing but crap from here on out.

“I may do Gigli 2 or a Daredevil sequel,” the handsome 39-year old told us. “I yearn for the good ol’ days, when I sucked.”

There was a time when no one in showbusiness guaranteed a sh#tty performance quite like Ben. Surviving Christmas. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Pearl Harbor. Reindeer Games. Clerks II. Smokin’ Aces. Dogma. The list of terrible movies goes on and on.

But if he’s purposefully choosing bad roles, why were his last couple of films so well-received?

“Have you ever heard the saying ‘even a broken clock is right twice a day’?,” asked film critic Roger Ebert. “Mr. Affleck has made so many movies that a couple of them were bound to be watchable.”

Jennifer Lopez has decided to do the honorable thing and put raising her son boyfriend ahead of her career.

The singer will forego a reported $15 million contract from American Idol to spend more time with her adorable boy toy, Casper Smart.

The young backup dancer told OMGG.com he’s worried his sugar momma will have to cut his allowance now that she’s unemployed.

“I assured Casper I don’t need the money,” Lopez said. “I just want to spend more time together, he’s been growing up so fast!”

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi announced today that she’ll soon be turning to fellow Jersey girl Patricia Krentcil for parenting advice.

The Jersey Shore star told OMGG.com that she’s inspired by the way the Tanning Mom is able to manage a busy career while keeping her daughter so golden brown.

Krentcil has been accused of causing skin burns to her six-year-old by taking her into a tanning booth, but Snooki says the complaints are being made by “jealous haters.”

“Anyone saying bad stuff about Patricia is racist,” Polizzi told us. “It’s sad the way people are judging her based on the color of her skin.”

Tim Tebow is furious that his name is being used to sell religious shirts online.

“This is the second time Jesus has used my likeness to make a fast buck,” the pious gunslinger told OMGG.com. “If the Lord is having money problems he needs to find himself a real job.”

Last July, Tebow’s attorneys sent a cease and desist letter to The Almighty after a bobblehead of the Son of God holding the quarterback’s Broncos jersey was spotted for sale on eBay.

“My Savior needs to re-read the bible when he has a minute,” said the Jets signal caller. “Timothy 6:10 clearly states, ‘the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils’.”

Something beautiful happened this morning in Washington, DC. President Obama and Mitt Romney put partisan politics aside and got married.

“I am still in shock,” Barack’s former wife Michelle told OMGG.com. “I can’t believe Mitt finally changed his closed-minded way of thinking.”

Once Obama’s political rival, Romney saw how much public support the president was receiving since announcing that he supports gay marriage.

“The only chance I have to win in November is to get young voters on my side,” The GOP nominee explained. “And hey, even if I don’t win, being the new First Lady is nothing to sneeze at!”

Sofia Vergara’s diet secret has finally been revealed, thanks to the Colombian beauty’s real-life son.

According to Manny Manolo, the Modern Family actress got those famous, sexy curves by subsisting on a steady diet of nothing but sweets.

Some of the 39-year old’s co-stars have been so impressed with the results that they, too, are following a strict dessert-only regimen.

“I can’t believe I wasted my time eating f#cking vegetables for 60 years,” said Vergara’s on-screen husband, Ed O’Neill. “After just a month of eating nothing but cake, I already feel curvier!”

Patricia Krentcil, the New Jersey woman who was given the moniker “Tanning Mom” for reasons unknown, told reporters last week that she’d be willing to pose for Playboy if asked.

Editor-in-Chief Hugh Hefner didn’t respond immediately, allegedly because he was too busy throwing up at the thought of that overly-bronzed hag in the buff.

But after seeing how much attention the story brought the struggling company, the 86-year old reached out to Krentcil this morning.

“Our ‘Hot Housewives’ magazines are some of our hottest-selling publications to date,” explained Hefner. “I’ve decided to roll the dice and greenlight a ‘Lovely & Leathery’ issue.”

Perhaps we should start calling them John Doughs.

The three masseurs accusing John Travolta of sexual assault have dropped their lawsuits against the star after mysteriously coming into mass amounts of cash.

OMGG.com caught up with Travolta, who said it feels great to be vindicated.

“I had a feeling those guys would come to their senses eventually,” remarked the ecstatic actor. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to a truck stop restroom to celebrate.”

HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones was put on hiatus midway through the second season, after every major character died during Sunday night’s episode.

Producers met in West Los Angeles this morning to discuss what to do with the cast-less series they’ve spent over $100 million on to build up a loyal following.

The show, based upon George R. R. Martin’s cycle of novels about seven noble families fighting for control of a mythical land, had been staying fairly true to the books until recently.

“It creates a buzz every time a character is killed, so I guess we got a little carried away,” admitted Thrones scribe Jane Espenson. “Unfortunately, all we’ve got left to work with now are a few baby dragons and a cloud of Melisandre’s murderous, black vagina smoke.”

Aimee Copeland, a Georgia grad student, is fighting for her life due to a flesh-eating bacteria she was infected with after cutting open her leg in a river two weeks ago.

Lucky for her, Shaquille O’Neal recently received his doctoral degree.

The former basketball star says he’s confident Aimee will be fine now that he’s a licensed medical professional.

“I won’t rest until I figure out how to stop this bacteria,” Dr. Shaq told OMGG.com. “The way I see it, finding a cure can’t be any more difficult than playing alongside Kobe Bryant for all those years.”