Author Archives: OMGG

The Huffington Post is reporting that London has ordered 100,000 condoms for athletes to use at the Olympic Village this summer.

That might not be enough.

In the 2012 ESPN the Magazine Body Issue, sports stars shared details of the scandalous behavior that goes on inside the athletes’ living quarters.

“Four years ago in Beijing, I got so hammered I fisted a giant panda,” bragged snaggletoothed swimmer Michael Phelps. “I’m going to get so much play this summer I’ll probably wrap a gold medal around my penis.”

Earlier this week, Rush Limbaugh told his listeners that The Dark Knight Rises is anti-Mitt Romney.

He claims that Bane, the newest Batman film’s villain, is eerily similar to Bain Capital, the financial firm Romney founded before outsourcing thousands of American jobs to boost profits.

But that’s not the only instance of the movie mirroring the 2012 election, said the bloated conservative talk show host.

“Just like Mitt, Bruce Wayne is a cocky billionaire with slicked back hair,” Limbaugh told OMGG.com. “You really don’t root for him until he turns into an all-black superhero that young people respect.”

For the the first time in history, Canadians are wealthier than Americans.

“There’s nothing to do here except play hockey and save money,” explained Toronto resident Daniel Violante. “Also, we’ve been exporting boatloads of maple syrup to all the fat Americans.”

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney say’s it’s unacceptable that we’ve fallen behind our polite neighbors to the North.

“We’d still be on top if it weren’t for Obamacare,” said the 65-year old Republican. “Could you imagine how quickly Canada’s economy would collapse if they gave out free health care?”

Penn State officials are still undecided about whether or not to take down a statue of Joe Paterno.

“It’s true that Paterno helped cover up child sex allegations against his longtime friend Mr. Sandusky,” a university administrator told OMGG.com. “But the real question is, did his sculpture withhold any information?”

Thirteen-year old Timmy Harbaugh has accused the bronze Paterno likeness of being an accomplice.

“If you look closely, you’ll notice the statue is quite rusty,” said Harbaugh. “That’s because it used to be the lookout while Jerry was showering with us.”

After they squeaked by Brazil in an exhibition game yesterday, Barack Obama admitted he doesn’t have much faith in this year’s USA Olympic basketball team.

In fact, the president told ESPN that the 1992 Dream Team was unquestionably a better group of players.

OMGG.com caught up with Donald Trump, who says he wasn’t at all surprised by the POTUS’ lack of faith in the Americans.

“Of course he insulted the US team,” said the combed-over billionaire. “He’s clearly rooting for Kenya, since that’s where he was born.”

Former Google executive Marissa Mayer was recently hired to revamp Yahoo, and the 37-year old is already turning things around.

“Failure to keep up with technology is the reason we’re struggling,” the young CEO told OMGG.com. “The first thing I did when I got here was sign all of our employees up for Gmail accounts.”

Mayer’s changes to the search engine’s corporate culture hasn’t been well-received by some employees, who are notoriously stuck in their ways.

“Is it even legal for a woman to be CEO?” asked longtime Yahoo engineer Rudy Benson. “I’d look it up, but unfortunately Netscape Navigator is down again.”

Donald Trump is not a fan of Anthony Weiner.

The bloated billionaire called the former U.S. Representative a “sexual pervert” via twitter yesterday, and advised Weiner’s wife Huma to “drop him.”

If anyone knows a thing or two about treating a lady right it’s Trump, who’s a changed man since his very public extramarital affair with Marla Maples, whom he later married and then divorced for a model in her 20s.

“Unlike that sexual deviant Weiner, I will continue to love and honor my wife until death do us part,” Trump told OMGG.com. “Unless, of course, she gains weight or gets old.”

Acting legend Russell Crowe, known for his outstanding physique in 1999, is hoping to cash in on the current vampire movie craze.

The 48-year old star announced he’ll be playing Fatula Dracula in an upcoming Warner Bros. film about the most famous vampire of all time.

Industry insiders are scratching their heads at the decision to cast Crowe in a role ordinarily reserved for men who can fit into a cape.

“I know he’s an Oscar winner, but come on!” said New York Times film critic Weston Stewart. “Dude looks like he recently ate the Twilight cast.”