‘Dancing with the Stars’ Season 14 Cast Revealed: Who the Hell Are They?

Dancing with the Stars casting director Daniel Violante regretfully announced today that he’d failed to find a single famous person willing to compete in the ballroom this year.

Fans of the show are petitioning ABC to change the name of the reality series after learning this season’s competitors include opera singer Katherine Jenkins, telenovela actor William Levy and a small Filipino boy named Roshon Fegan.

“This year’s crop is even worse than the Celebrity Apprentice rejects we usually get,” host Tom Bergeron told OMGG.com. “There’s no way I can call these losers ‘stars’ while keeping a straight face.”

Season eight alum Melissa Rycroft (we’ll give you a minute to Google her) told us she thought DWTS did the best they could do. “It’s a dancing show for crying out loud, did you really think they’d be able to land someone super-famous like Snooki?”