McDonald’s Finally Admits Pink Slime Not From Cows

McDonald’s announced this week that it will cease using “pink slime” in its hamburger recipe.

“This is terrible news,” said Mickey-D’s regular Jill Teeples. “That pink goo was my main source of protein.”

An endless supply of the mysterious slime was first discovered in a Manchester, New Jersey landfill in the late-80s. Former McDonald’s CEO Oliver Sehulster noticed a family of possums feasting on it, and before long it became the key ingredient in the Golden Arches’ burgers and chicken nuggets.

“I think we can all agree the pink stuff is delicious,” an FDA spokesperson told OMGG.com. “I just wish someone was able to identify it.”