Steven Seagal: Chicken Hunter

Animal activists are outraged at Steven Seagal for killing two chickens during a raid to break up a cockfighting ring for his reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman.

OMGG has learned that the ponytailed, direct-to-DVD star had ulterior motives, and the birdy blood bath could’ve been prevented.

“Mr. Seagal believed those chickens were part of a terrorist organization intent on releasing a bioweapon that would destroy mankind,” said close friend Dean Muelfeld.

This isn’t the first time the tanned, tubby martial artist has confused reality with one of his terrible films from the 90s.

In 2006, he was arrested for pummeling comedic actor Andy Dick, who he believed to be a corrupt oil executive plotting to kill the president.