Ashton Kutcher

Two and a Half Men “star” Angus T. Jones came under fire for begging viewers to stop watching his show recently, calling it “filth.”

While OMGG.com’s entire staff agreed that this was solid advice, we’ve learned that Jones has since recanted, claiming he was brainwashed by a cult.

“Angus realized that without those paychecks, he’d be doling out handjobs for beer money by the time he turned 30,” Jon Cryer told us. “He’s currently being bathed in Holy Water by (show creator) Chuck Lorre.”

This morning, Ashton Kutcher weighed in on his young co-star’s breakdown.

“Leave the kid alone, it’s absolute torture being on this god-awful program,” the sexy star said. “Ever since Charlie Sheen left, the show is completely unwatchable!”

Ashton Kutcher is suing the California Department of Motor Vehicles, claiming they backed out of a deal to participate in his new reality tv series.

“The show would’ve featured lazy employees, people standing in line and teenagers studying for driver’s license exams,” the bearded 34-year old told OMGG.com. “It had the potential to be far more entertaining than Two and a Half Men!”

Sadly, the action-packed series will never see the light of day.

“The lawsuit is kind of ironic if you think about it,” said California resident Daniel Violante. “The only thing I dread more than going to the DMV is being dragged to one of Ashton Kutcher’s films by my wife.”

Charlie Sheen is winning…auctions?

Last week, it was reported that the 46-year old actor purchased Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor’s Super Bowl XXV ring with a $230,000 bid.

Unfortunately, the former Two and a Half Men star got drunk in Las Vegas over the weekend and used the prized piece of jewelry to propose to an exotic dancer.

“Charlie is so generous,” Sheen’s 19-year old fiancée, Sunshine Sexx, told OMGG.com. “When Ashton Kutcher met me, all he offered was a night of hot tub sex and some cab fare.”

Ashton Kutcher came under fire earlier this week for starring in a commercial as an Indian man in brownface, complete with accent and silk saree.

The popchips ad campaign was halted after civil rights advocates called it tacky and racist.

Unfortunately, neither Kutcher nor the snack food company learned their lesson.

Last night, the brand unveiled an advertisement featuring the actor dressed as a stereotypical Mexican, promoting new taco-flavored popchips. It was removed from the airwaves within an hour.

“We’re 0-for-2, but I’m positive fans are going to like my next character,” a confident Kutcher told OMGG.com. “I’ll be dressed as an Asian woman who can’t drive well because she’s eating popchips behind the wheel.”

Ashton Kutcher will star in another season of Two and a Half Men after signing a one-year, $16 million contract on Monday.

The announcement was celebrated across Germany, the country ranked “Most Humorless” in a recent international poll.

The news wasn’t as popular in the US, where ratings for the show have steadily declined since the start of last season.

“I can’t understand why some Americans don’t find this show funny,” said baffled Munich resident Leon Schmidt. “The comedic genius of Ashton Kutcher combined with a slew of penis jokes…what more could anyone ask for?”

Despite taking a romantic vacation together last weekend, Mila Kunis says that she and Ashton Kutcher aren’t an item.

“Anyone who has ever seen an episode of Two and a Half Men would know that Ashton isn’t my type,” said the Friends with Benefits star. “I prefer a guy with a sense of humor.”

OMGG.com caught up with Kutcher, who didn’t seem too upset to learn that Kunis is still denying their relationship.

“To be honest, it’s a bit of a relief,” said the No Strings Attached star. “The way I see it, now she can’t get mad at me when I cheat on her!”

Dude, where’s my iPad?

When OMGG.com learned that Ashton Kutcher was cast to play Steve Jobs in an upcoming movie, we assumed we were being Punk’d.

But after seeing a photo from the indie film about the Apple founder’s early life, we think the 34-year old may have been cast perfectly!

Sir Richard Branson has launched over 400 businesses, including a chain of record stores, a mobile phone company and an airline. He’s a humanitarian, philanthropist and one of TIME magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World.”

But the British billionaire’s greatest contribution to society is still in the pipeline.

Early next year, Branson will launch Ashton Kutcher into space aboard a Virgin Galactic shuttle.

“That floppy-haired douchebag has annoyed us all for the last time,” promised the Chairman of Virgin Group, rumored to be dating actress Demi Moore. “As a favor to the people of earth, I’ve instructed the captain to leave him on the moon.”