Barack Obama

An OMGG.com poll revealed that more than 61% of Americans are showing up to vote today just for the free sticker.

“It doesn’t matter who gets elected, all politicians are corrupt,” explained first-time voter Maurice Kendall. “But chicks seem to be impressed by that sticker, so I cast a ballot this morning for one of those idiots…I think the white one.”

Poll worker Annie Vick said there is a strict “one per person” policy on the labels, because as soon as they run out people lose the incentive to show up.

“Last week, I bought one of those suckers on eBay for like four bucks,” said Jerry Punlit, a 36-year old mechanic. “It was such a relief, saved me the hassle of having to wait in those long lines today.”

With the election just one day away, Joe Biden hit the road attempting to garner support for President Barack Obama.

Sadly, OMGG.com has learned the confused 69-year old spent the 11th hour campaigning across Eastern Canada.

We caught up with Barack Obama’s assistant, Marcus Wayans, who said the vice president’s impassioned speech to a baffled crowd in Toronto was actually a strategic move.

“The president was afraid another gaffe by Joe would hurt his re-election chances, so he sent him out of the country,” Wayans told us. “It was surprisingly easy to convince Mr. Biden that Ontario was a swing state.”

On Wednesday, Donald Trump offered to donate $5 million to a charity of President Obama’s choice if he released his college and passport records by the end of the month.

This morning, the president responded via his twitter feed.

“I’ll pay that bloated piece of sh*t five bucks if he takes that weave off his head,” wrote the leader of the free world.

So far no word back from Mr. Trump, but stay tuned — OMGG.com will be covering this story closely.

After getting mocked for his performance at the Republican National Convention, Clint Eastwood has changed his party affiliation.

“When I spoke to that chair last night, I realized something,” the senile 82-year old told OMGG.com. “That piece of furniture is far more qualified to be president than Mitt Romney.”

The chair, which was meant to be representative of an invisible Barack Obama, has actually helped invigorate the president’s campaign.

“Tomorrow night, George Clooney is hosting a $10,000-a-plate fundraiser for that wooden seat,” announced MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. “Sadly, a new poll shows that chair is 70% more popular than Joe Biden.”

With Tropical Storm Isaac threatening the GOP Convention in Tampa, bloated radio host Rush Limbaugh accused the Obama administration of tampering with weather forecasts to hurt the Republican party.

“Obama is intent on destroying this country with his liberal witchcraft,” said the political commentator. “He’s even brainwashed conservatives into nominating a dimwitted Mormon for office!”

The 61-year old claims it’s obvious that the president has put a hex on him, as well.

“How else could you explain my well-publicized painkiller addiction and four failed marriages?” Limbaugh asked OMGG.com. “And we all know my body wouldn’t be so hideous if Obama hadn’t cursed me with a faulty metabolism.”

According to Rush Limbaugh, there is no such thing as Global Warming.

“Those hippie Democrats want you to believe the burning of fossil fuels has something to do with this heat,” said the bloated radio talk show host. “Any thinking man will tell you the earth is getting hot because Obama is in charge.”

Despite record temperatures across the US, the sweaty political commentator insists that only a fool would believe science is a factor.

“God is going to keep cranking up the heat unless we get a Republican in office,” Limbaugh told OMGG.com. “By the way, did anyone else notice that it’s gotten even hotter since Anderson Cooper announced he was gay?”

An excerpt from Barack Obama’s forthcoming biography found its way online, and new details of the president smoking pot in high school have emerged.

“I once made bong out of a pencil sharpener,” admitted Obama. “And unlike that pretty boy Bill Clinton, I did inhale.”

With Barack Obama: The Story hitting bookstores in June, the president is hoping his past dalliances with marijuana will help attract young voters.

“If re-elected, I’ve got a surprise for the GOP,” the 50-year old told OMGG.com. “I plan on rolling a fat joint with my birth certificate at next year’s State of the Union address.”

Barack Obama came out in support of gay marriage on Tuesday, but it was Mitt Romney who grabbed the headlines with a controversial announcement of his own.

Speaking at a campaign event in Oklahoma City, the GOP candidate admitted he supports bestiality, as long as it’s consensual.

OMGG.com caught up with the former Massachusetts governor, who told us he still believes that marriage should only be a relationship between a man and a woman.

“The thought of two men making out makes me want to vomit,” Romney told us. “But I see nothing wrong with a man having intercourse with an animal…as long as the beast in question is female.”