Justin Bieber

After his laptop was stolen during a tour stop in Tacoma, Justin Bieber sent a tweet admitting the PC was full of “personal footage.”

Curious teenage girls everywhere began to wonder — does the computer contain pictures of the elusive ‘Bieber boner’?

As luck would have it, 15-year old juvenile delinquent and OMGG.com intern Lisa Johnstone admitted she was the one who swiped the singer’s Sony Vaio after attending the Washington concert.

When we announced that we’d be releasing an exclusive naked photo, one man seemed even more distraught than Biebs himself.

“The timing of my conviction couldn’t be worse…there’s no internet access in here!” cried recently-jailed pedophile Jerry Sandusky. “What did I ever do to deserve this?”

Justin Bieber, who recently criticized Prince William for his receding hairline, apparently wasn’t through bullying the Royal Family.

“If I had ears like Prince Charles, I’d wear a bag over my head,” the Biebs tweeted this morning. “And what’s up with that old ass queen?”

The 18-year old pop star went on to mock Kate Middleton’s teeth and the entire family’s posh British accent.

“The only thing I respect about that family is their swag,” said the physically perfect singer. “And of course, Prince Harry. I’d eat bangers and mash off that ginger’s perfectly sculpted abs.”

Where in the world is Justin Bieber? And more importantly, does he even know?

While a guest on The Late Show with David Letterman last week, the stolid singer stunned the studio audience when he made reference to the “Sixteenth Chapel.”

OMGG.com caught up with Selena Gomez recently, who told us she wasn’t surprised by her pop star boyfriend’s latest geographical gaffe.

“While traveling abroad last month, he kept insisting that Europe was a country,” the embarrassed 19-year old told us. “When we got to Cannes, he told me he’d like to see more of the ‘French River Area’ one day.”

Justin Bieber is used to being a wanted man. But it’s the police, not teenage girls, who are chasing after the pop star these days.

After a cameraman attempted to take Justin’s picture on Sunday, a bloody fight reportedly broke out between the 18-year old and the paparazzo.

The singer and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, fled the scene after pummeling 6’5″ Terrance Wilkins within an inch of his life.

“I normally don’t ask the public to take the law into their own hands,” LAPD officer Rhett Smith told OMGG.com. “But after hearing Justin’s latest album, I encourage anyone who spots him to shoot on site.”

It’s pretty apparent that Christina Aguilera hasn’t caught Bieber Fever.

The Voice judge recently backed away when the young stud attempted to plant a kiss on her cheek, causing a slew of pre-teens to question her mental health.

The buxom blonde explained it was all a big misunderstanding, she mistook the Boyfriend singer for a 12-year old girl.

“Christina needs to be institutionalized,” longtime “Belieber” Robin Belle told OMGG.com. “I’d let Justin mount me in the middle of my social studies class if he wanted.”

Justin Bieber appeared beaten and bloody on the cover of Complex magazine this month, and police suspect his pop star girlfriend, Selena Gomez, is responsible.

“Miss Gomez was outraged that her man outed himself on his new single, ‘Boyfriend’,” said LAPD spokesman Joseph Curtz. “Unfortunately, we cannot arrest her because Mr. Bieber has been uncooperative thus far.”

According to Curtz, victims often refuse to press charges against their significant others when they’re involved in abusive relationships. Bieber says this isn’t one of those cases.

“I got all these bruises on my face from…um…falling down the stairs,” the visibly shaken 18-year old told OMGG.com. “I swear, Selena never puts her hands on me unless I really deserve it.”

♪♫♪ ”Swag, swag, swag on you / Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” ♪♫♪

That’s just one of the brilliant lines from Justin Bieber’s debut rap, Boyfriend, which dropped today.

“It’s a very romantic song,” admitted Billboard magazine editor Keith Lobo.  ”You can tell from the lyrics that Justin really cares for his boyfriend.”

In addition to rave reviews from critics, the 18-year old hip-hopper has gained the respect of one of the biggest names in the industry.

“Biebs’ lyrics come from the heart, you can’t fake sh*t like that,” Jay-Z told OMGG.com. “You can tell that boy is from the streets. The streets of an all-white suburb in Canada.”

Justin Bieber is finally legal, but that doesn’t mean what he’s doing is.

As TMZ first reported, Bieber’s attorneys sent a cease-and-desist letter to the creators of the iTunes app Joustin’ Beaver, claiming no one is allowed to make fun of the Baby singer.

“It’s not that I can’t laugh at myself,” explained the Biebs. “I’m just tired of everyone else laughing at me.”

The app’s creator fired back at the 18-year old with a lawsuit of their own, insisting the game is a “parody” protected by the First Amendment.

Bieber told OMGG.com he isn’t worried.

“If that’s how they’re going to play it, I’ll just have the Constitution changed.”