Kim Kardashian

Things are getting ugly in the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries divorce proceedings.

The basketball star suggested that his ex married him as a ploy to drive up her reality show’s ratings, which is fraud — a crime punishable by up to six months in jail.

Kardashian, who recently donned prison orange for an upcoming episode of Lifetime’s Drop Dead Diva, says she’d happily spend time in the slammer if it meant Kris would leave her alone.

“He wants me to either pay him half my fortune or agree to annul our marriage,” the 31-year old socialite told OMGG.com. “Unfortunately, until he explains to me what ‘annul’ means, there isn’t much I can do.”

Penelope Scotland Disick is only a couple days old, but she’s already smarter than her aunt.

“I don’t get it,” Kim Kardashian told OMGG.com. “The kid can’t even speak, yet she’s already beaten me in both chess and Scrabble.”

The family has been so impressed with young Penelope’s brain that they had her IQ tested this morning.

“We were certain she was some sort of genius or child prodigy,” Kourtney told us. “Unfortunately, the results proved her intelligence to be quite average for someone born 48 hours ago.”

Kris Humphries says he’s always suspected Kim Kardashian of cheating on him while the pair were still married.

“Kim would often slip up and call me ‘Kanye’ by mistake,” said the depressed 27-year old. “She’d even quote him, saying stuff like ‘Ima let you finish’ while we were making love.”

The New Jersey Nets star claims he even discovered physical evidence of an affair.

“My cleaning lady found a diamond-encrusted teddy bear necklace under my bed,” Humphries told OMGG.com. “Unless Justin Bieber was using it as a fort, I’m pretty sure there was a wealthy rapper under there at some point.”

Despite claims by her ex-husband that Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was masterminded by Kris Jenner, the family is denying the allegations.

“I would’ve negotiated a far more lucrative deal if that were true,” the Kardashian matriarch told OMGG.com. “Kim’s decision to be a whore was hers, and hers alone.”

But with Kim Kardashian: Superstar still piquing the public’s interest five years after its release, Jenner admits she directed a sequel.

“It’s called Khloe Kardashian: Supersize,” the 56-year old told us. “I’m excited to announce that Vivid Video recently offered me $1 million cash…to destroy it.”

This morning, Kim Kardashian retracted the apology she issued to the people of India after publicly stating that their food is disgusting.

“It’s the Native American Indians whose food I despise,” explained the 31-year old. “All that carb-heavy corn is so gross.”

This wasn’t the first time the socialite confused the two cultures.

“Kim spent some time in Mumbai filming a commercial last year,” Bollywood actress Sonakshi Sinha told OMGG.com. “At one point she asked if I was a part of the Cherokee tribe.”

Kris Humphries has finally gotten over actress Kim Kardashian.

“You remember how in Cinderella the prince knows he has the right girl because the slipper fits?” the 27-year old asked OMGG.com. “Well I had an old pair of Kim’s ‘Apple Bottom’ jeans, and I’ve finally met a girl who can slide right into them.”

The New Jersey Nets star is reportedly smitten with Myla Sinanaj, whose bodacious booty is being compared to Kardashian’s.

“We’ve even talked about getting married, but I think that’s premature,” Humphries told us. “I’m not sure I’m ready to commit 72 days to her yet.”

Kim Kardashian announced recently that she plans to run for mayor of her hometown of Glendale, California in 2017.

The 31-year old socialite says she’d help make her city a great place to live by outlawing obesity and offering free plastic surgery for all residents.

Kim told OMGG.com that her boyfriend supports her decision to run, and is actually interested in politics, as well.

“Kanye told me that one day he wants to be leader of the free world,” revealed Kardashian. “I’m glad he’s a dreamer, but I highly doubt America would ever vote for a black president.”

Everyone knows Kim Kardashian packs much back.

But Kanye West admitted today he didn’t realize just how much junk was in that trunk until Kim changed into a bikini recently for a relaxing day by the pool.

The rapper told OMGG.com you have to see the ass in person to truly appreciate its size.

“It looks like she’s smuggling a few watermelons in there,” West told us. “The crazy thing is it’s still only about an eighth the size of Khloe’s.”