music

Yesterday, Axl Rose publicly declined his invitation to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, asking that he isn’t inducted as a member of Guns N’ Roses.

The rocker, apparently still angry at Slash for not returning a bandana he borrowed in 1997, says he refuses to share the stage with his former bandmate.

But the bushy-haired guitarist says he doesn’t need Axl’s permission to accept the honor in Cleveland on Saturday.

“The Hall of Fame is having a hard time finding any rock stars who want in,” Slash told OMGG.com. “They’re so desperate, they’ve agreed to induct my sh*tty other band, Velvet Revolver.”

Elderly rocker Eddie Van Halen announced this week that his band will begin touring again in 2012.

“There was a nasty rumor that we’d overdosed in the late 90s, but the entire band is still alive,” the legendary guitarist told OMGG.com.

David Lee Roth (aka “Diaper Dave”) says their age won’t keep the band from putting on a great show.

“Alex’s arthritis hardly affects his drumming,” promised the 76-year old frontman. “And thanks to his new wheelchair, even (bassist) Wolfgang is mobile!”

Jay-Z has decided to confront his problems head-on.

“I was tired of keeping my emotions bottled up,” the troubled superstar told OMGG.com. “I’m seeing a psychiatrist, and he’s been helping me cope with all the difficult things life throws my way.”

The distraught rapper, whose issues range from premature ejaculation to an all-encompassing fear of crowds, says his wife has been supportive of his decision to finally seek help.

“Beyonce drops me off at Dr. Schwartz’s office every Wednesday afternoon,” said Hova. “As I’ve mentioned in the past, ‘a bitch ain’t one’ of my 99 problems.”

As TMZ first reported, a sex tape featuring Tupac (aka 2Pac) Shakur has surfaced.

OMGG sources were able to obtain an exclusive copy of the DVD, and while it’s far too graphic to show on our child-friendly site, our team of perverts screened it until a shocking discovery was made.

It contains proof that the rap legend is still alive.

“In the attached screen still, you’ll notice Mr. Shakur is wearing an Everose Gold Datejust Special Edition Rolex,” OMGG.com’s forensic specialist, Trevor Stevenson, points out. “That watch wasn’t even released until October 2010!”

Michael Jackson’s friend and trainer, Lou Ferrigno, claims the King of Pop was in great shape before he passed away. That differs from statements made during the Conrad Murray trial that Jackson’s health was deteriorating up until his death.

“MJ was a beast in the gym,” Ferrigno told OMGG.com. “In fact, he was training to be a professional bodybuilder.”

Webcams set up in the 24 Hour Fitness located just outside Neverland Ranch support Ferrigno’s claims.

“Anyone who was close to Michael knew there were only three things he was passionate about,” said close friend and confidant Macaulay Culkin. “Performing his music, powerlifting and carefree 12-year old boys.”

R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe announced yesterday that after much thought, the band has decided to break up.

“Wait, he said what?” asked confused bassist Michael Mills after learning of Stipe’s comments. “That motherf#cker never ran this by me!”

Music historian Nadia Devine told OMGG.com this isn’t the first time the band has kept Mills in the dark.

When the Japan leg of R.E.M.’s End of the World Tour was abruptly canceled due to Stipes’ health issues in 1999, the band never informed their longtime bassist.

“I waited backstage for over an hour before I called (drummer) Bill (Berry) to see where they all were,” Mills recalls. “He never answered because those jerks were already on a private jet back to the States.”

A hundred years from now, newlywed Kim Kardashian will most likely be remembered as the reality star with the tight pants and really big…brain?

This morning Kim was named a Wallace Stevens Award finalist for the hit song she recorded earlier this year, Jam (Turn It Up).

The award, which recognizes “outstanding and proven mastery in the art of poetry,” comes with a $100,000 prize, which Kardashian says she’d used to pay for her honeymoon.

For those who refuse to listen to amazing music, here are some of the song’s lyrics (unedited, we swear) :

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Boys spending money,

girls looking good.

Got my hands up,

celebrate like it’s my birthday.

Five more shots of tequila,

I’m thirsty.

———————

Maya Angelou says it’s a crime if Kim doesn’t win, calling her poetic song both “inspiring” and “life-changing.”

In an exclusive interview with OMGG, David Bowie admitted this morning that he’s one degree of Kevin Bacon.

Fans of the singer/actor weren’t overwhelmingly surprised by the announcement. In fact, speculation began years ago after Rolling Stone Magazine pointed out that the stars had never been spotted in a room together.

So why come forward now?

“My wives Kyra (Sedgwick) and Iman have been lied to long enough,” explained Bacon/Bowie. “For their sakes, I can’t go on living this double life.”