President Obama

Bill Clinton’s speech at the Democratic National Convention was so inspiring, that President Obama has decided to give him another shot in politics.

“I’m subbing him in for Joe (Biden),” the POTUS said. “At this point he gives our party the best chance to win.”

OMGG.com caught up with the vice president’s wife, Jill, who said she understood why the decision was made.

“Joe has a great heart, but President Obama did what’s best for this country,” admitted the 51-year old teacher. “To be honest, I wish I could replace my husband with Bill in the bedroom, as well.”

Ted Nugent has gone from Damn Yankee to damned detainee.

The has-been rocker, who famously stated at an NRA convention that if President Obama is re-elected he’ll “either be dead or in jail,” was shipped off to Guantanamo Bay this morning.

The mentally unstable guitarist, who has blasted the president’s administration as “vile,” “evil” and “America-hating,” says he’s actually looking forward to serving his time.

“If Obama thinks I’m afraid of a little prison, he’s crazy,” the 63-year old conservative told OMGG.com. “As long as there ain’t no foreigners in there, ‘The Nuge’ is gonna be just fine.”

An excerpt from Barack Obama’s forthcoming biography found its way online, and new details of the president smoking pot in high school have emerged.

“I once made bong out of a pencil sharpener,” admitted Obama. “And unlike that pretty boy Bill Clinton, I did inhale.”

With Barack Obama: The Story hitting bookstores in June, the president is hoping his past dalliances with marijuana will help attract young voters.

“If re-elected, I’ve got a surprise for the GOP,” the 50-year old told OMGG.com. “I plan on rolling a fat joint with my birth certificate at next year’s State of the Union address.”

Barack Obama came out in support of gay marriage on Tuesday, but it was Mitt Romney who grabbed the headlines with a controversial announcement of his own.

Speaking at a campaign event in Oklahoma City, the GOP candidate admitted he supports bestiality, as long as it’s consensual.

OMGG.com caught up with the former Massachusetts governor, who told us he still believes that marriage should only be a relationship between a man and a woman.

“The thought of two men making out makes me want to vomit,” Romney told us. “But I see nothing wrong with a man having intercourse with an animal…as long as the beast in question is female.”

While talking about Osama bin Laden in 2007, Mitt Romney said that “it’s not worth moving heaven and earth…to catch one person.”

On the one-year anniversary of the raid that killed the terrorist leader, Romney claims he knew all along that bin Laden was hiding in that mansion in Abbotabad, Pakistan.

Romney told OMGG.com that President Obama is unfairly using the al-Qaeda leader’s death as “a cheap political ploy” to gain support for his re-election bid in November.

“I think it’s crazy that everyone is giving the president so much credit for finding bin Laden,” Romney said. “Had I known everyone hated the guy so much I would’ve captured him myself.”

Barack Obama shocked the world this morning when he announced he won’t seek re-election in November.

The president received such high praise for his appearance on Jimmy Fallon’s “Slow Jam the News” on Wednesday that he has decided to pursue a career in music.

The 50-year old says he’ll begin touring in early 2013 with a backup band that includes Bill Clinton on sax and Joe Biden manning the bongos.

“I worked my butt of as president, and for what — a 50% approval rating?” Obama explained to OMGG.com. “It’s time for a career change, mon.”

Until recently, President Obama had been looking into whether or not 11 members of his Secret Service team met with prostitutes in Colombia.

Today, OMGG.com decided to make his investigation a whole lot easier.

Our exclusive team of South American whoremongers snapped this photo of his security team at a brothel in Cartagena last week.

“Once again, I owe a debt of gratitude to the fine folks at OMGG,” said a grateful President Obama this afternoon. “The fact that they weren’t amongst today’s Pulitzer Prize winners is a disgrace and an embarrassment to this country.”

Rush Limbaugh, a longtime opponent of government-funded birth control, has finally put his money where his mouth is and helped unveil America’s first abstinence plan that may actually work.

“Rush and I have decided to put partisan politics aside to help save U.S. taxpayers some money,” President Obama proudly announced this afternoon. “On Friday, we will begin to roll out the ‘Limp as Limbaugh’ campaign.”

At high schools and colleges across the country, headshots of the radio host will be distributed to young men and women in an attempt to keep their hormones in check.

Limbaugh, who came under fire for calling birth control advocate Sandra Fluke a “slut” last week, says the program will not only save millions of dollars on subsidized contraceptives, but undoubtedly lead to a decrease in premarital sex and teenage pregnancy.

“This plan already has a proven track record,” the outspoken conservative explained to OMGG.com. “Women tell me all the time that the mere sight of my face has extinguished all of their sexual desires.”