Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow has been underperforming all year, and his biggest fan has finally seen enough.

Just two months into the NFL season, The Lord dropped the pious backup quarterback from his fantasy football roster.

“I tried to justify keeping him, but it didn’t make sense,” explained the Holy Spirit. “Tom Brady is my starter and the Patriots have the same bye week as the Jets.”

God said drafting Tebow in the third round was the second-worst fantasy mistake he’s made since signing up for an ESPN account 10 years ago.

“In 2007, I started Sage Rosenfels at quarterback,” The Almighty told OMGG.com. “He put up decent numbers, but after the season my buddies informed me he was Jewish!”

Eva Longoria insists the rumors that she’s dating Mark Sanchez aren’t true.

The actress told OMGG.com she’s been hanging out with the handsome gunslinger because she’s been named his backup quarterback.

We were skeptical at first, but team head coach Rex Ryan confirmed that with Tim Tebow underperforming this preseason, the Desperate Housewives star gives the team a better chance to win.

“Oh thank heavens,” the ultra-religious Tebow said when we told him the news. “I’d much rather get passed on the depth chart than have to worry about those two having pre-marital sex.”

U.S. researchers recently stumbled upon a compound that may finally lead to a birth control pill for men.

“Terrell Owens and I are hoping the same scientists invent a time machine next,” said Antonio Cromartie, the New York Jets cornerback with 12 kids. “Can you imagine how much simpler life would be for the two of us if this pill were around when we were rookies?”

As the only virgin in professional sports, quarterback Tim Tebow says he could care less about the ability to become infertile.

“Sex is gross, and you should only have to have it if you’re married, anyway,” the backup quarterback told OMGG.com. “There’s a reason I’m known as the king of the interception, not contraception!”

The New York Jets asked Tim Tebow to bulk up, hoping to use him as part of their “ground-and-pound” Wildcat package.

“I wanted to show the organization how committed I was,” the backup quarterback told OMGG.com. “So every moment of the offseason that I wasn’t in church, I could be found in a pizza shop.”

Tebow arrived at minicamp last week weighing over 300 pounds.

“He’s bigger than most of our offensive linemen,” said head coach Rex Ryan. “While I wish he wasn’t so fat, let’s be honest…he’s still a better quarterback option than Mark Sanchez!”

Are Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones finally a couple?

Tebow’s teammates had been clamoring for the last two remaining virgins in the sporting world to date, and the pair finally obliged.

Jones, a 29-year old Olympic hurdler, got together with the hunky quarterback over the weekend.

The pair dined at New York steakhouse Delmonico’s before heading off to an 8pm showing of The Pirates! Band of Misfits in 3D.

Lolo told OMGG.com that she had a great time and would love to see Tebow again, but the pious gunslinger wasn’t feeling butterflies.

“To be honest, she was a bit too slutty,” the Jets backup admitted. “At one point during the movie, she attempted to reach over and hold my hand!”

For the second time in less than a week, Tim Tebow has asked fans to remove a risqué photo of himself from their twitter page.

“I was so wasted that night,” said the angelic quarterback. “The last thing I remember was some chubby blonde daring me to play ‘Piano Man’ with my shirt off.”

Tebow told OMGG.com he’s afraid the half-naked image of himself, taken backstage at a Broadway production of Rock of Ages, may tarnish his perfect reputation.

“Never before has a professional athlete behaved so immorally,” said the 24-year old. “I spent all weekend at church, begging Jesus to forgive my whorish ways.”

Tim Tebow is furious that his name is being used to sell religious shirts online.

“This is the second time Jesus has used my likeness to make a fast buck,” the pious gunslinger told OMGG.com. “If the Lord is having money problems he needs to find himself a real job.”

Last July, Tebow’s attorneys sent a cease and desist letter to The Almighty after a bobblehead of the Son of God holding the quarterback’s Broncos jersey was spotted for sale on eBay.

“My Savior needs to re-read the bible when he has a minute,” said the Jets signal caller. “Timothy 6:10 clearly states, ‘the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils’.”

When the Denver Broncos landed superstar free agent Peyton Manning this offseason, they opted to trade away last year’s fan-favorite, quarterback Tim Tebow.

The move quickly backfired.

The New York Jets signed the pious star and watched their season ticket and jersey sales skyrocket. The Broncos, on the other hand, have alienated fans and struggled to move team merchandise.

“We made a terrible mistake trading that noodle-armed pretty boy,” admitted John Elway, the Broncos’ VP of Football Operations. “As a favor, Commissioner Goodell allowed me to draft him again yesterday. Let’s just call it a do-over.”