TV

Dancing with the Stars casting director Daniel Violante regretfully announced today that he’d failed to find a single famous person willing to compete in the ballroom this year.

Fans of the show are petitioning ABC to change the name of the reality series after learning this season’s competitors include opera singer Katherine Jenkins, telenovela actor William Levy and a small Filipino boy named Roshon Fegan.

“This year’s crop is even worse than the Celebrity Apprentice rejects we usually get,” host Tom Bergeron told OMGG.com. “There’s no way I can call these losers ‘stars’ while keeping a straight face.”

Season eight alum Melissa Rycroft (we’ll give you a minute to Google her) told us she thought DWTS did the best they could do. “It’s a dancing show for crying out loud, did you really think they’d be able to land someone super-famous like Snooki?”

Lily is growing up so too fast.

The once-adorable baby from the hit comedy Modern Family is finally old enough to speak, but fans aren’t happy with what she has to say.

On promos for tonight’s show, the 2-year old can be overheard using the F-word. Even though it’s beeped out, ABC’s phones have been ringing off the hook with complaints from outraged parents.

The network insists the cussing was strictly the out-of-control toddler’s idea.

“Lily usually comes to our read-throughs drunk, I’ve never seen such unprofessionalism in my entire career,” said co-star Ty Burrell. “She’s basically a younger, Asian version of Lindsay Lohan.”

NBC’s Director of Programming Andrew Fischer admitted Tuesday that he was shocked to learn Last Call with Carson Daly hasn’t been canceled yet.

“I was under the impression that we replaced it years ago with some sort of poker program,” admitted the embarrassed executive.

Last Call has been a ratings disaster since the first episode aired nearly 10 years ago, yet it continues to air five days a week at 1:35am. So what’s the secret to its longevity?

“My show costs nothing to produce, so it’s never in danger of losing money,” explains host Carson Daly. “I haven’t even taken a salary since 2004.”

China announced plans to ban Keeping Up with the Kardashians after noticing a significant economic slowdown since the show’s Asia debut.

“The day after those skanks hit our airwaves, the Shanghai Stock Exchange tumbled,” pointed out Chang Xiaoling, a financial advisor based in Guangzhou.

The Beijing State Administration says Keeping Up with the Kardashians and other ‘overly entertaining shows‘ will be phased out by the beginning of next year, replaced with news and cultural programming.

“Overly entertaining?” asked a confused Kim K. “How does that relate to our show?”

China Bans the Kardashians

Katie Holmes has been vilified by the press for dressing too conservatively since marrying Tom Cruise in 2006. Well this Halloween, that’s about to change.

The actress will appear on Monday’s episode of How I Met Your Mother as the infamous “slutty pumpkin.”

Fans of HIMYM may recall how Ted (Josh Radnor) has been hoping to reconnect with the gorgeous gourd since the show’s first season. Holmes says she jumped at the chance to wear the naughty pumpkin attire when the opportunity presented itself.

“I just fell in love with the character,” the actress told OMGG.com. “Now that I have a young daughter, it’s important to choose parts that allow me to be a good role model.”

Paramedics were rushed to Ellen DeGeneres’ TV studio Monday after the talk show host fell to the ground holding her heart.

But TMZ is reporting that DeGeneres was actually fine, leaving fans wondering if the whole incident was merely a publicity stunt.

The timing was certainly suspect, as everyone in the studio audience received a free sample of high blood pressure medication Norvasc, a longtime sponsor of Ellen’s show.

Producers admit they were hesitant to call 911 at first, as they had a hard time deciphering the comedienne’s life-threatening arrhythmia from one of her annoying dance routines.

By Sebastian Updyke
OMGG.com Film/TV Critic
September 27, 2011

After hearing Fox blew $20 million on the pilot episode of their sci-fi show Terra Nova, I couldn’t wait to check out the two-hour premiere last night.

The show centers on the Shannon family, who go back in time as part of a last ditch effort to stop the human race from destroying the environment.

I sincerely wish I could travel back in time to get those two hours of my life back, as the plot was garbage and the “scary” dinosaur I’d read so much about was nothing more than Jurassic Park actor Jeff Goldblum dressed in giant T-Rex costume.

So how exactly did they manage to spend $20 million making what looked like a high school student film project? I was able to procure a budget breakdown from an old buddy who works in the Fox mailroom:

- $1 million: Cast and crew salaries
- $200: Snacks for interns who wrote the show
- $7000: Wardrobe for cast
- $640: 27 latex dinosaur costumes from Walmart
- $100: Permit to film on the old Lost set
- $18.9 million: Getting Steven Spielberg to agree to attach his name to this flaming turd

The Bottom Line: I can’t deny the show was entertaining, assuming you enjoy bad writing and over-dramatic acting.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars

Animal activists are outraged at Steven Seagal for killing two chickens during a raid to break up a cockfighting ring for his reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman.

OMGG has learned that the ponytailed, direct-to-DVD star had ulterior motives, and the birdy blood bath could’ve been prevented.

“Mr. Seagal believed those chickens were part of a terrorist organization intent on releasing a bioweapon that would destroy mankind,” said close friend Dean Muelfeld.

This isn’t the first time the tanned, tubby martial artist has confused reality with one of his terrible films from the 90s.

In 2006, he was arrested for pummeling comedic actor Andy Dick, who he believed to be a corrupt oil executive plotting to kill the president.